A Glimpse at the 'Survivor Side' of the Cancer Journey

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Been reading your blog; won't post anything on it for all to see since there is no mention of us on it.

Prologue ~ I believe I am beginning to understand who the true cancer "survivors" are. It is not the ones with the disease. It is those who surround us.

I am so glad you are reading the blog. I do mention you guys in “.......” in July. If I am not railing against the Pink-Industry, I mostly mention Husband and kids, I think it is because managing their day to day life with my chronic disease is a FT job.

You sound offended. No slight in any which way is intended, has been intended, or ever will be intended. I truly am sorry if you are feeling slighted in any way or form.


My writing is what I am feeling about living with a chronic disease, and the blog helps me distill those feelings, whether they be outrage, disgust, euphoria, sadness, or even pedagogical and snarky.

I know that it appears I am being selfish about my cancer.

I am.

But not because I am trying to be hurtful to others.

When I am asked, I will share what I feel I am emotionally or psychologically capable of sharing at a given time. It is difficult for me, most times,  to "share" when I am speaking with people. Even with Husband it can be an uncomfortable subject...to acknowledge that my life has been reduced to a 20% chance of surviving 5 more years. ONLY if I do / did what conventional medicine offered...which I chose not to.

It is easier for me, and always has been, to write. So, now I blog. And for those who want to “know” what is up with me, my blog is a forum in which they can delve at their leisure, without ME getting in the way.

And for those few who read, commenting is voluntary and appreciated, but never necessary or required.

Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. Your one cryptic, yet pointed, sentence did speak volumes.

I may not meet your or anyone else's expectations, but do know it is not because I am trying to hurt anyone in any way. Or, that I am being consciously self-centered. I think I do understand how challenging it is for you - to be a spectator while I take this journey. You are not the only one who, at times, feels "left out."  Husband, too can only be a spectator. Cancer is not a "team" sport. And, admittedly, I am not a good Team Pink player.


But it does not mean that I don't love you, and appreciate you. I love you, as me. That's all I can do.

Jumping on the Pink Bandwagon

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Maybe I have been too judgmental. "Awareness" remains a critical need during Pinktober, and throughout the year. Case in point:

I walk into our neighborhood Safeway store last evening with my 10 year old son. As I am in the check out line, the 10 year old spies a large handwritten sign that announces: REGISTER NOW TO WIN AN iPAD2!

Mom, can I go check it out?

He goes over to the table with the display. Yes, it is to benefit breast cancer, but it does not say which pinkindustry is sponsoring the drawing, the cost of tickets, or which non-profit is going to reap the proceeds. And, there are no entry forms

The manager eyes my son investigating the table, and then me. He walks over to me and informs, enthusiastically, that: yes my son may enter to win, would I like one ticket for $10 or 5 tickets for $50 (retail price break).

I ask who is sponsoring: Safeway (obvious)

I ask to whom is it benefiting: Breast Cancer (okay, obvious again...he must think I am a moron at this point)

I am still gnawing on the price break.

I rephrase. To which organization will Safeway be ~ donating (?) the funds: the funds will stay locally (what does that mean)

Deep breath...he is management after all.

I probe further. Which local organization will Safeway be giving the money raised from the ticket sales for the iPad2. Safeway  (WT....???)

Oh, Safeway has its own breast cancer organization: No, um, some money will go to Tucson (okay, I am in for a pound now)

Which organization in Tucson: Oh, there a lot of them in Tucson that do good work for breast cancer

And those would be: The large medical ones (price break goes to priceless)

I tell him that I think I am going to pass on purchasing the tickets. He still tries one last shot at inducing me to buy: Oh, and some of the money is going to Susan G. Komen, they do a lot in researching breast cancer awareness! That is a great cause.

Oh yes, yes it is!