Have you heard the joke that begins: "...a funny thing happened to me..." ? Well, the joke is on me! Four weeks ago I went through a third round of reconstructive surgery. Part of this round included a nipple grafting. (And yes, it is as icky as it sounds. A real slice, dice, and sew job!)
On Monday, while getting dressed for court I noticed that my coveted little protrusion was gone. I went to the magnifying mirror and closely inspected the area. Yup. That's right Alice, me nipple was gone! And, yes, I did say out loud to myself, while standing in the middle of the bathroom..."CRAP, me nipple is gone." And it was said with an affected East End accent. Then I began giggling uncontrollably. It has taken me days to stop.
Indeed, the only thing that saved me from a particularly exhausting day on the criminal bench was knowing what was missing underneath the black robe!
Well, the joke continued. The next day when I stepped into my shower I saw something kinda funky in the corner. I inquisitively leaned down to inspect further. EUREKA! There IT was. In all ITS gruesome glory.
I unceremoniously rinsed IT down the closest rabbit hole -- the shower drain. Its okay, IT's biodegradable.
More than ever, my thoughts are turning back to the Lotus. And, if I want a nipple that bad, I suppose that I can always buy a truly detachable one from the neighborhood "Adult Shoppe" or Auto Zone*.
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